The other day I was scrolling through Facebook, when I came across a new post from Humans of New York. I am always interested in what they post, so I took a minute to read it. You can read the original post embedded below, but there was one line of the post that really just stabbed me in the gut when I read it:
"It didn’t feel like we were growing a relationship anymore. It just felt like we were picking up the pieces of decisions we had made."
As I noted in my last post, I haven't been feeling great lately, and, suffice it to say, I'm not growing. There's just always this feeling I have about my life, but I was never able to articulate it before.
Sometimes it just feels like all I'm doing is picking up the pieces of decisions I have made.
Sometimes it feels like I'm sitting in the rubble of my life, trying to salvage what I can from the ruins.
And that's a hard feeling to get past.
I share these things here not because I want a pep talk or people to try and compliment me back to reason. I share because ... well, maybe you feel this way, too. When I read this the other day I immediately thought of a friend of mine, and I sent it to her because I thought it would mean something to her, too. I don't want to mention her name in order to protect her privacy, but she said "I feel like that every single day." Maybe you have felt this way before, too? And if you have, know that you're not alone.
This is the kind of thing that Glennon Doyle Melton would call "brutiful" -- beautiful and brutal. Because it's both.
There's no pretty ending to this one. Not today. I'm just sending this one out there to float around in the universe. Until one day, it'll land far away from me, and maybe you, too, and we'll forget what it felt like to feel this way.