I'm trying to figure out exactly how to say this, as I can see how this might sound self-important or like I have no perspective or even downright silly. But I'm going to try.
I saw this posted on someone's Facebook page today and I read it. It was very interesting and educational, of course, but also incredibly hard to read. So very sad. Briefly, it is a doctor's perspective and analysis of death by crucifixion - specifically, Jesus's death by crucifixion. He makes 55 points about crucifixion and, anatomically speaking, how it killed a person.
Like I said, super hard to read and horrible to think about, and it made me honestly contemplate just how horrible of a death that was for Jesus. But there was a little something in step 37 that stabbed my heart and brought a tear to my eye.
Before I say what, I'll again reiterate that I know how this might come out sounding. And I hope you'll stick with me to hear me out on this one.
Number 37 says: He was in First Degree Shock, with Hypovolaemia (low blood volume), Tachycardia (excessively fast Heart Rate), Tachypnoea (excessively fast Respiratory Rate), and Hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating). (Emphasis mine.)
If you know me or have read this blog in the past, you know that hyperhidrosis is the defining word of my life. For 20 years I suffered from hyperhidrosis, and I won't go into the details here since I wrote extensively about it about a year and a half ago.
I do completely and totally understand that out of all the things in number 37, hyperhidrosis is clearly the least difficult and problematic thing. I totally understand that. Wholeheartedly.
But for a person like me who suffered from hyperhidrosis for 20 years - and suffering it truly was - and who wondered where God was in all that time, why He wouldn't just take it away (since it did seem like such a "simple" thing) and provide some relief, well -- reading that Jesus suffered from hyperhidrosis right before his death... it was almost too much to bear. Like Anna -- he did know. When I was crying out to him in anger and sadness because I didn't understand -- he knew.
When I read it I got tears in my eyes, and I'm getting them again now. God richly blessed me when he provided healing for my hyperhidrosis (and I thank Him for it every day, as I continue to think about my life pre-healing every day) but, for some reason, I truly understood and learned tonight that Jesus truly understood the impact of that suffering, as he had it to when he was human. And it reminded me of something Jen said that I like to think about often: where is God when we suffer? He is right here, suffering with us.